I was so prepared to fail. Wallowing in the depths of my emotional gravity that kept on creeping unto my chest waiting to burst forth in endless tears, be it midday or midnight, last month was a slow choking in rollercoaster ride of mixed emotions. Denial. Anger. Bargain. Hurt. Loss. Fear. Doubt. Emptiness. Confronted with the painful reality of my relationship, I had to face head-on my battle in the academe even if my heart was covered with so much weakness. I could recall how in the midst of studying for my two remedial exams, my eyes would just cloud with tears all of a sudden. How I could not sleep. How I preferred to isolate in my room. How I got nauseated with food. See, physical manifestations of almost-depression knocked at my door leaving me 7 kg less from my previous weight in 3-week time. Awfully true indeed! With a vivid memory on the windowpane of the ship heading to Zamboanga from Dumaguete, I tearfully uttered my whisper to God as I took a glance in the ...
“Here’s the one thing I crave from God, the one thing I seek above all else: I want the privilege of living with him every moment in his house, finding the sweet loveliness of his face, filled with awe, delighting in his glory and grace. I want to live my life so close to him that he takes pleasure in my every prayer.” Psalm 27:4