GRACE TUCKED IN LETTERS

“Medicine made ridiculously simple”---I heard such description about ADZU-SOM before. In fact, a number of my friends asked me a question like “Are you sure you will not regret choosing Ateneo over Silliman?” It entailed series of reflection. Yet, I believe I   am   in the rightful place. Problem-based learning was quite a new term until we were given orientation and had the first experience of it. In PBL sessions, unlike in the conventional way of learning, small group of students are given a problem for them to solve on their own. The process includes brainstorming, gathering of data, researching, and interactive sharing. Lectures are done by the students themselves. Facilitators only act as guide. This shift of learning, I personally admit, gave   me a rollercoaster of emotions. It was challenging in so many ways but it was fulfilling especially when the group was able to achieve solutions on the problem presented.   The rigor that comes from the curr...

December 12, 2014 Just this noon, inside the operating room... Doctor Ferrer: "Oh, naoperahan na pala yan. (Pertaining to my scar at the right breast) What happened?" Doctor Chio: "Hindi nakuha lahat ng mass. May naiwan." (While injecting anesthesia) Doctor Ferrer: "Tingnan ko pa lang, parang ako yung napapasigaw. Kaya di ako nagsurgeon." Ma'am Jen: "Isigaw mo na yan jc." Doctor Ferrer: "Grabe. Pangatlong beses mo na yan ah. Ang tapang. How did you manage to endure the pain?" Doctor Chio: "Kaya niya yan." Me: (Speechless) All of us inside the OR were laughing but they did not know I was holding too tight and too hard on the edge of the bed and gradually crossed my feet, pushing them towards each other just so I could keep myself from shouting. HAHAHA How did I endure the pain? I stared blankly at the light flushing towards me; not minding their random talks about hospital-related concerns. I th...

November 14, 2014 Random person: "Bakit kaya ang dami mong trials? Ang bata mo pa pero ang dami mo ng pinagdaanan. Dati, naoperahan ka sa ulo. Ngayon, naoperahan kana naman ulit." Me: Ok naman ako. (I genuinely smiled) Yesterday, I underwent minor surgery named breast mass excision at my right breast. It was almost a year from the time I had an ultrasound of my breasts for the reason that i palpated a small lump at my right breast. Little did I expect, I was diagnosed with bilateral fibroadenomas or in layman's term "benign tumors" at both breasts as per ultrasound result. The one i palpated was approximately 3cm and at the other side was 1cm and still non-palpable. The extracted tumor is still for biopsy which I hope will reflect negative result. Hmmm, what urges me to post this is not to make a ballyhoo so as to attract attention or whatever. This is solely related to the above remark which happened to be not my first time to hear but beyond n...

When all of a sudden  you were left hanging  like you've never meant a single thing  and what quite an agony is  how it was made to appear so easy.  No reason.  No explanation.

Sometimes, you have to learn to accept your thoughts---your last thought or your first waking feeling or everything in between. Though it entails breathing through the pain and emptiness, you have to learn how to handle it. In time, it will fade. Believe it will. It may never disappear but in time, it will weigh less and you will be healed.  "Letting all the hurt float through the waves of the sea" @ Sandbar, Bongao Tawi-Tawi

"She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum." -Jonathan Safran Foer Leaving does not always mean closing the doors. Sometimes, it only means leaving it half open for the journey back. So, don't ever be afraid of leaving and moving! So long that you know your way home, you will always be found.

Bravery is when you put your heart on the line and offer it to someone alongside your hopes and expectations but with the knowledge that they can slip away in an instant. Don't ever stop being brave! ❤️

In life, some things build us up and some tear us down. Just like in falling in love, regardless of the barriers you may have built, it can just turn out into a slippery slope. If the relationship is unbalanced and love is seemingly not reciprocated, how much is enough? How many broken pieces are you supposed to pick and put back again? Sometimes, all it takes is an utmost courage to walk away from the person whom you have stretched your heart and equally capable of bruising it. Learn to stop fanning the flames. Photo taken at Sanga-Sanga airport, Bongao Tawi-Tawi

Sometimes, in your attempts to escape the pain of emptiness and frustration, you grab at anything that seems to be easy to reach...anything that gives temporary relief. Just like a painkiller, you take it from desperation to avoid pain. You choose the instant cure rather than the lasting remedy. You choose the comfort of temporary over the bravery of authenticity. How coward! Unfortunately, how human too. Photo taken at Sanga-Sanga beach, Bongao Tawi-Tawi

Sometimes, you just have to accept that some people enter your life as a temporary happiness. No matter how hard you try to hold on, you just have to let go. And perhaps we're just that... A fleeting memory that blooms and fades away. Photo taken at Bud Bongao, Bongao Tawi-Tawi

April 15, 2015 Upon reaching the waiting shed, these kids were busy cleaning the whole area. With my mind's curiosity, I asked them if who told them to do so. To my surprise, they told me they were being paid 20 pesos by the Imam so as to maintain the cleanliness in that particular area. The little boy added, "Bat malanu dii bang awn magkari." (Para malinis dito kung may magpunta) Imagine how far they travel everyday to go up here. As a hiker for the 3rd time in this mountain, i still found my knees trembling in going up and down. Yet, these kids have seemingly mastered it even without the assistance of adult. What more? They do it with no complaints for the sake of giving the tourists a clean view at the Mountain Peak. Tawi-Tawi must be lucky! Tawi-Tawi must be proud!

Instead of posting RANTS in facebook, twitter, and other domains blaming and pointing fingers unto another's mistake or belief or religion, choose to post something that inspires HOPE and RESPECT. Something that can help alleviate the burden of another. On the other hand, if you have been a victim of RANTS, never step down into their shoe by posting yours because by doing that, you fail to understand the very definition of RESPECT. Respect has to be magnified in you! Yes, too much of this country is hurt and broken. Let's take part on its healing by spreading LOVE in the simplest way. We disgrace the sacrifice of people who have fought for peace throughout history by living our lives MEANINGLESS.

Think with a purpose! To think is to exist. Or like how Rene Descartes finished it off in words, "I think. Therefore, I am." Indeed, what we think about usually forms the bulk of our reality, our existence. But where the thinking gets is usually the problem and as a consequence, it often triggers emotions; a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Overthinking is one thing that can kill any relationships, be it between friends or lovers, because it often sneaks up TRUST. People, when confronted with situations, get stuck to their own thoughts or as if they run around circles with them. Some may call it "quits" without having to think well about it or some may dwell on it, mulling it over hours or days, feeling that they are giving the right amount of "check-up." True enough that thinking is inevitable but overthinking is a whole different story. The problem with people is they tend to get lost in thinking that thoughts have purpose in themselves. (I, myself,...

When you are fired up in living your dreams, it begins to warm others, igniting their flames, creating a myriad of light that will brighten the path towards the finish line. Photo taken during the bonfire of ADZU medical students batch 2015's team building.

2 lessons Mt. Talinis imparted to me: 1. It pays to LOOK BACK When the whole group reached the outpost after 4 hours of hiking up and down, over rocks, across streams and swamps, they decided to settle there. However, Me and my classmate (bro Kyle Windsor) thought of attempting to continue the trail and hike all the way up to have a glimpse of the lake and eventually summit Mt. Talinis. Compared to what we've gone through from the bottom to outpost, the trail from that point to up was far difficult and challenging because the path gets too tricky. Your moves have to be cautioned according to the ascending climb and indeed it was no easy feat. My body especially my legs begun to ache. That was the time when the seemingly competition was between me and the one inside my head. "I'm not going to make it. I'm not strong enough." On the way up, it was so easy to give in to these anxiety demons and just stop the whole track. How I have overcome the mental chorus...

September 17, 2010 As I go along from what was through what is and to what will be, From all the dark days and nights through the shadows of light, From forgetting the face of yesterday through recognizing today, From learning to renounce through being certain of believing, From faltering and beginning to fade through being and becoming strong, From forgetting that I cannot through remembering that I can, From saying goodbye through saying hello again, From the bitterness and fatal past through the warrant of glorious present, From an unknown tomorrow through a define promise of today… Now, I finally found out Letting go is opening the gates so I can embrace, I can receive, I can believe, I can smile, I can love. Letting go is being prepared even while being scared with open arms empty just in case being becoming whatever being becomes. It is blooming to what is instead of what was; learning to renounce in order to believe; letting yesterday to go in orde...

I will dream a perfect dream all over again tonight. On a sandy dune with a crescent moon,  as the stars light the sky like dazzling gems; The waves are couriers whispering secrets  telling about a feeling I want to freeze through eternity. Along the crystal shore they rush against my feet letting me know that somehow someone belongs to me. Holding my hands with a soothing touch, Looking at my innocent face with those caressing eyes, Is indeed a healer of all the pain and sorrow. An antidote that keeps me whole.  This is the place, a sacred place,  that I safeguard deep within my heart.  Only to travel from time to time,   whenever I close my eyes.

If I can thank the stars Of weariness and battle Of hope and courage Too far yet too dear. If I can bear at this moment All the rigors happening to me No matter how full my heart is Or how dark that moment may seem. If I can remain tranquil and unspoken With the world shutting me off Sheltered in the knowledge that God believes in me When everyone else seems to doubt me. If I can open my eyes feeling better Than I was for a fair while Only because I begin to understand We all have bad times and we all have the strength to get through them. If I can but continue to believe What I hold in my heart to be true That I will be walking towards the brighter light And that this will come to an end, too soon. Then and there Nothing can overthrow me For as long as this knowledge stay behind I can come out the other end and feel a little empowered. For I’m certain when all the troubles weigh heavily in my shoulders Beneath them I can r...

The stars begin to glint on and off While the clouds glide past the moon The sky slowly becomes dusky Amidst a night filled with tranquility At the center stage She walks with grace Yet in an atmosphere of both elegance and balance Something threatens to come off from within That will reveal a greatest fear Consuming and unnerving Hidden and unseen She continued with the flow Giving impression that all is calm and glow However it still beckons The mask Ever-varying and ever-concealing Gradually falls off It should not be No! Never! For beneath lies confusion, solitude, and melancholy Endless tears that can create an ocean at its bottom She is frightened at the thought of her weakness being exposed Of a heart vulnerable and yearning to be consoled And so she fights against the very thing she cries out for She incessantly hides behind a mask A nonchalant public façade That covers a private despair As if holding tight to it So as to...

Yesterday, I received this cake from my beloved circle of friends in med school. Thank you MD6!  Indeed, time flies so fast! Amidst standing at the threshold of where I am now while looking back to that day (July 8, 2009) when I opened my eyes and found myself inside the ICU after the emergency brain surgery done to me, what transpired in the cocoon of change had not been pretty at all but it cr eated a window into discovering the things that TRULY MATTER. At the moment, I am verging towards dreaming and scheming that dream, debugging and gluing every piece to complete the collage. The process can turn topsy-turvy but looking back on how I have been tested by adversity, I can make myself afloat because God sees me through. Happy 6th, jc!  ❤

This is a story of stolen happiness yet uncovered grace. Thanks ahead for patiently reading a quite lengthy note. June 27, 2014 – at around 6:15 in the evening, I received a flood of text messages confirming that Silliman University landed top 1 in the top performing schools of May 2014 Nurse Licensure Examination. Right there and then, I fell on my knees. The sob seemingly exploded from within while I grasped my phone. My whole body was trembling. My heart was filled with overwhelming joy I could not contain. It was surreal. I was jumping and shouting. All I thought of was “This is You, Jesus! This is Yours, Lord! You’ve proven Yourself to all of us!” Then my sister showed me my name in the internet. I was devoid of words when I took a glance of this: 5053 GONZALES, CHRISTINE JOY YBIOSA. I just continued crying while grinning cheerfully. Few minutes later, I decided to go to a church and prayed. There I knelt down and wept tremendously. “Thank you Lord” was all I whispered in m...

From then till now, I made countless reasons for Him not to love me but none of them is strong enough to change Him – His faithfulness and love. But this is not my story. This is merely His story, His “lovestory” for me and for YOU. Was there a moment in your life when you felt so wimpy, so filthy, so guilty that you could not even bring your concerns to Him because you were thinking He could not forgive you? Or that moment in your life when you intentionally strayed away from Him because you were worn out from life and He seemed not to care? Or perhaps that moment few seconds or minutes or hours ago when you could not control yourself but complain and get mad at Him because your reality was simply the total opposite of His promises? Hey! Don’t worry you don’t have to feel alone. I, myself, had gone through that feeling of being at the bottom and had even gotten to the point that I preferred to be drowned in there because rising up made no sense at all. However, how I was able to ...