Skip to main content

What hope do you have in 2018?

It had been days turned into weeks when I should have been wrapped with an overflow of joy for such a time as this, when I should have been seeing stars, when  I should have been beholding a clear horizon. However, in the silence of my room each night, as I lay on my back watching the stars I put at the ceiling slowly losing its glow before my eyes, the weight of my present reality sinks deep leading into such pain hitting with a sharp force that feels like it cuts through my skin and bone. The agonizing fear rooted into this repetitive whisper, “God, will You still carry me through?” The reality of my remedial exams will speak of a hopeless blur. My heart is silently overwhelmed for what may come ahead. Down to the recesses of my heart, I am desperate for God, but too broken to pray.

How can you keep up the hope for better year when 2017 turned out to be heartbreaking one?

“It is not easy but it will be worth it”—Like a mantra, I carried that as I set my first footprint unto this path called medicine. Topsy-turviness is an understatement as the journey insofar seems like tiptoeing in a long rope, balancing the heavy load with a fear that I may fall at any moment. And should I fall, I must rise as it is better to fail in trying and not in quitting.

Quitting. Such word came across my mind countless times. For somebody like me who is repetitively the least and the last, quitting seems to be the easiest way. Countless times I doubted this dream. Countless times I wanted to let go of this calling. But from that countless, there is something real that is springing eternal—the hope anchored to My God who kept on bringing me up to the next level when my circumstances would prove I could not get any higher, any longer.

I could recall a post from a friend in facebook wherein he asked exactly the very question I battled day by day in surrendering to God, “Where is the joy and fulfillment in medicine?” Being a Christian for quite a long time already, the answer can be found in nowhere else except in Christ. While it is true, in the desperate in-between, when giving up hope seems easy than holding on to it, when situations become a perfect environment for doubts, fears, and uncertainty to take root and flourish, how do I get by? How do I live up the joy and fulfillment found in Jesus alone?

I must admit that the season I am in now is one of my weakest times. I thirst for His strength to keep straight my faltering knees.

One night, I checked my spiritual daughter asking how she was. She replied with all the smiley emoticons. When it was her turn to ask me, I just said in all honesty that I am overwhelmed. Immediately she said, “I am also anxious, Ma. But we both know that He will help us through. You established that to me. You helped me a lot especially on things about our Lord. You’re a big part of who I am now.” Reading between the lines, the heavy load in my heart quickened up and bursted forth into seemingly endless tears. Her words pierced through the deeper depth of my soul, as if breathed life into my drying bones.

God, through her, reminded me that it was He who began a good work in me and that He is faithful to complete it. The one and only thing that keeps me wanting to fight, to believe, to endure, and to persevere in medicine, it is such calling that I know is BIGGER than me because it is about the people I am called to impact.

Such is my humble joy. Such is my humble fulfillment.

So for this year 2018, I choose to God-up instead of give up because I know My God will eventually show up!





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fixing the eyes

So their midnight conversation ended with an exchange of "good night." And there my heart, broken into shattered pieces. In an instant. At the most untimely time.  I didn't know where on this world had I drawn the courage to endure reading as each message kept on popping up as they recalled their past when I could have just closed my laptop right away so as not to let the piercing pain get through.  But I silently endured it up to their very last words while my heart was ruthlessly ripped away leaving it to smithereens.  I could have just flare-up in anger because silence was not my nature. To keep my mouth shut was never my kind. But, right at that moment, that voice, though a whisper compared to my slam-bang clatter, was a crystal clear I ought not to resist.  I knew it was God who tamed my waiting-to-explode emotions. He compelled me to be silent. To pour such dark cloud of despair to Him, even up to the rising of sun.  So what happen...
Post a Comment
Read more

Mountain lessons

2 lessons Mt. Talinis imparted to me: 1. It pays to LOOK BACK When the whole group reached the outpost after 4 hours of hiking up and down, over rocks, across streams and swamps, they decided to settle there. However, Me and my classmate (bro Kyle Windsor) thought of attempting to continue the trail and hike all the way up to have a glimpse of the lake and eventually summit Mt. Talinis. Compared to what we've gone through from the bottom to outpost, the trail from that point to up was far difficult and challenging because the path gets too tricky. Your moves have to be cautioned according to the ascending climb and indeed it was no easy feat. My body especially my legs begun to ache. That was the time when the seemingly competition was between me and the one inside my head. "I'm not going to make it. I'm not strong enough." On the way up, it was so easy to give in to these anxiety demons and just stop the whole track. How I have overcome the mental chorus...
Post a Comment
Read more

Ripple effect

Sometimes, all it takes is a heart that does not measure But only knows how to willingly give. That way, perhaps, The world can hear a perfect symphony of peace. Sometimes, all it takes is a mind that does not settle at boundaries But courageously dives into the deep waters, plunging into it, And discovering real treasures only found in the littlest of things. That way, perhaps, The world can know simplicity. Sometimes, all it takes is an eye that does not judge But rather looks behind the physical that reveals a humble beauty ready to sprinkle the light that will shine above the rest. That way, perhaps, The world can realize how beautifully created it was. Sometimes, all it takes is an ear that does not just hear But earnestly listens to what the lips plead. That way, perhaps, The world can withstand pain. Sometimes, all it takes is a mouth that does not carelessly reject And unwittingly use the most scathing words But rather speaks for...
Post a Comment
Read more