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Fixing the eyes

So their midnight conversation ended with an exchange of "good night."

And there my heart, broken into shattered pieces. In an instant. At the most untimely time. 

I didn't know where on this world had I drawn the courage to endure reading as each message kept on popping up as they recalled their past when I could have just closed my laptop right away so as not to let the piercing pain get through. 

But I silently endured it up to their very last words while my heart was ruthlessly ripped away leaving it to smithereens. 

I could have just flare-up in anger because silence was not my nature. To keep my mouth shut was never my kind. But, right at that moment, that voice, though a whisper compared to my slam-bang clatter, was a crystal clear I ought not to resist. 

I knew it was God who tamed my waiting-to-explode emotions. He compelled me to be silent. To pour such dark cloud of despair to Him, even up to the rising of sun. 

So what happened the next day was a decision to leave the city. Sure it was running away. A great escape. But deep within my heart's alcove, it was running to God. Leaving it behind to seek Him first. To hear Him clearly. More so, to lay my broken fragments at His feet. 

"This and your remedial," what Satan kept on playing in my mind. 

I glanced back at the pages of my diary where I wrote my reflection on the topic I shared back on the outskirts to sprinkle hope to my unstable heart. 

It was the story of King Jehoshaphat on 2 Chronicles 20.

What happened was the Moabites and Ammonites came to wage war against Jehoshaphat. What he did was he proclaimed a fast for all Judah and later on he appointed men to sing praise and worship to the Lord, bringing with them harps, lyres, and trumpets instead of weapons and the like. Undoubtedly, they triumphed because of the Lord. 

What was the secret? It was Jehoshaphat's prayer on verses 6-12. In it, he threw three questions to the Lord: Are You not? Did You not? Will You not? He could have just declared his faith through firm statements but he did not. Instead, he questioned God. Perhaps, at that time, there was a growing fear and doubt in him and so as to combat it, he seemed to remind God by laying down their history of what He had done to them in the past. More than that, he reminded himself to increase his faith. 

Questioning God does not mean a lack of faith. Sometimes, it increases faith. 

On the other hand, he acknowledged it was beyond their ability: for we have no power, we do not know what to do. Humility being magnified. 

When it is beyond your ability, that's when it becomes so easy to fully surrender. 

Finally, he concluded with the very words "our eyes are on You." That made a whole lot of difference because it was indeed a declaration of total dependence to God that no matter what will happen, be it in triumph or in failure, they will fix and set their gaze on Him. 

What was the promise? It's verse 15.

"Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this great multitude. For the battle is not yours, but God's."

Afraid and discourage are two different words. According to Meriam Webster's, afraid means being filled with fear or apprehension. Discourage means to make less determined, hopeful, or confident. 

Before the battle, do not fear. During or even after the battle, do not be discouraged. For the Lord will be with you. 

Personal prayer: 

Whenever I am afraid
Whenever I am discouraged
I will fix my eyes on You
For the battle is not mine but Yours.
Oh, thank you Lord. 
Forever I will sing my praise, my worship
You alone deserve it. 

All that I am reiterating to myself now. Indeed, the battle has been won at the CROSS. He had and He will overcome.








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