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Love above fear

At the most unexpected time last month, amidst the hustle-bustle of being in the medical school, somebody boldly laid his intentions in pursuing me.

But this is not about the details of who he is and how it started. Neither is it about the real score between him and me. This is about how that opening-of-door for him paved the way in unlocking the window of a relationship beyond important than anything. That is my relationship with my father.

Looking through the lens of the past, a single mistake of getting into a wrong relationship resulted to a broken trust. Yes, in between the seven years, our relationship was neither hot nor cold. Most of the time, it was just silent. I could vividly remember how tears had fallen from his eyes, wordlessly begging to stop my stubbornness yet I did not. I pursued. My own pains rooted from the scathing words I received from him blinded me. An insensible pride indeed. It was only when I met a fatal accident that I was able to recognize the weight of what I have done.

From then onwards, even the smallest mistake was seemingly grand. I patiently endured even though there were times it could get into my nerves making me numb. Perhaps, the height of a certain gap between us was when I took that leap of faith and became a born-again Christian. As expected, it was not a smooth-sailing journey. The whole family was affected. Every nasty circumstance was patterned to my “conversion.” In as much as I did not want to see them hurting, deep within my heart, I was sure my faith was changed. I was convinced I was beautifully changed however a work in progress. When I hit the rock bottom, that’s when I learned to look up! During those times when I could not take one more step, God gave me enough to keep me going. When everything seemed bleak, He made the way for me.

Nonetheless, I made a vow that my next relationship would be a relationship not hidden. My parents should know it first before anyone else. They have to be involved even at the courtship stage. I courageously opened up with my mom and I was relieved of her positive response. The truth of the matter was that she was supposed to be the one who will reveal it to my dad since we both knew how my dad could possibly go into an outburst of anger. When I was informed that my dad would have a seminar to Davao, for an unknown reason, I was burdened by the thought of telling it personally to him. I prayed about it. Then came last Saturday. I decided not to join in our Bible study so I could spend some time with my dad just before he will go back home to Tawi-Tawi. I toured him around the newly opened mall in the city. We killed the time by eating good food, exchanging stories, capturing selfies, buying groceries, and etc. At that time, I lost the courage and chose not to tell him because we were just so happy I could not let it be ruined. He brought me to the dormitory and bid farewell. While curling up in my bed, I was typing my “thank you” message and sent it to him. However, I was still baffled. I could not resist the urge so I composed myself by telling him that I just want to be honest with him and to gain his trust in me, which I failed to do before. Shortly before I sent the message, I uttered the words “In Jesus’ Name.” Roughly about 30 minutes after, he replied with “Ok. Just be sure to finish your dream.” Right at that moment, I felt my heart pumped hard and fast. What encircled my mind was “That’s my dad. My first major fear.” Little did I expect, tears started to cover my eyes as flashbacks of the past began to move like timeline around my mind. What dominated within me was the idea that I REDEEMED HIS TRUST IN ME AFTER THE LONGEST TIME. The HAPPINESS was not on the freedom of meeting somebody but it was and still is about the RENEWED RELATIONSHIP I earnestly yearned and prayed for more than half a decade.

Verily, God works behind the scene and God reveals a beautiful scene. Just before this love month ends, I became a witness of how real this verse is. GOD IS LOVE. Happy Valentine's!





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