Skip to main content

Letting go

"Very truly I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." John 12:24


It has been a week of looking at the mirror and what kept on tossing back was a reflection of my brokenness. From security to insecurity. From trust to betrayal. From hope to despair. 

Why did You allow it to happen, Lord? Was it because I trusted You a little less? Or I trusted the relationship a little more that dependence on You was gradually and unconsciously lost? Why did You bring such brokenness? 

Those were honest questions I had thrown to God. Insecurity, betrayal, and despair—three words that escalated the pain continuously squeezing my heart so intense I could scarcely breathe every time I curled up in my bed at midnight. They were a painful revelation of the content of my heart. Unknowingly, the relationship became an identity to me. That he, without any blame, took away God's throne in my heart. 

Clearly, I had put so much into it that I became oblivious of Who ought to do the filling. I held a tight grip that I grew unaware of releasing it to the One who must hold it. The mere fact I got my heart broken only depict of who had taken the lead—myself. Though I kept on saying He was my top priority, but the awful reality was He had taken the backseat for that area of my life. 

The above verse was the devotion I read before that unpredictable conversation happened which brought relentless tears from the deepest of my soul. 

"Falls and dies"—the portrait of such unforeseen brokenness in me. But unless I will get broken into shattered bits, I will not be able to behold on the beauty of His molding into wholeness and completeness in my life. 

That even calls for letting go. Of absolute abandon. Of full surrender. 

Letting go must be a tough word. The very thought of it was so daunting because it would entail giving up my right to make a decision for my relationship. With a chance of tears, how could I ever let go of the person I chose right before God? Days have passed that I wrestled it with God but the conviction remained the same. He was asking me to trust Him—fully, completely, and wholeheartedly.

In few hours, I will leave home and go back to face the realities I left behind on that city. This time I may be setting to sail into a different tune. I may not know the music but i know every rhythm is personally composed by the One who desires to play the sweeter song that will attract others in rhapsody of worship.

Thus, the bearing of much fruit. 

 To you, my love, I am sorry for this. May we grow in Him. And I love you with the love of Jesus. 



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fixing the eyes

So their midnight conversation ended with an exchange of "good night." And there my heart, broken into shattered pieces. In an instant. At the most untimely time.  I didn't know where on this world had I drawn the courage to endure reading as each message kept on popping up as they recalled their past when I could have just closed my laptop right away so as not to let the piercing pain get through.  But I silently endured it up to their very last words while my heart was ruthlessly ripped away leaving it to smithereens.  I could have just flare-up in anger because silence was not my nature. To keep my mouth shut was never my kind. But, right at that moment, that voice, though a whisper compared to my slam-bang clatter, was a crystal clear I ought not to resist.  I knew it was God who tamed my waiting-to-explode emotions. He compelled me to be silent. To pour such dark cloud of despair to Him, even up to the rising of sun.  So what happen...
Post a Comment
Read more

Mountain lessons

2 lessons Mt. Talinis imparted to me: 1. It pays to LOOK BACK When the whole group reached the outpost after 4 hours of hiking up and down, over rocks, across streams and swamps, they decided to settle there. However, Me and my classmate (bro Kyle Windsor) thought of attempting to continue the trail and hike all the way up to have a glimpse of the lake and eventually summit Mt. Talinis. Compared to what we've gone through from the bottom to outpost, the trail from that point to up was far difficult and challenging because the path gets too tricky. Your moves have to be cautioned according to the ascending climb and indeed it was no easy feat. My body especially my legs begun to ache. That was the time when the seemingly competition was between me and the one inside my head. "I'm not going to make it. I'm not strong enough." On the way up, it was so easy to give in to these anxiety demons and just stop the whole track. How I have overcome the mental chorus...
Post a Comment
Read more

Ripple effect

Sometimes, all it takes is a heart that does not measure But only knows how to willingly give. That way, perhaps, The world can hear a perfect symphony of peace. Sometimes, all it takes is a mind that does not settle at boundaries But courageously dives into the deep waters, plunging into it, And discovering real treasures only found in the littlest of things. That way, perhaps, The world can know simplicity. Sometimes, all it takes is an eye that does not judge But rather looks behind the physical that reveals a humble beauty ready to sprinkle the light that will shine above the rest. That way, perhaps, The world can realize how beautifully created it was. Sometimes, all it takes is an ear that does not just hear But earnestly listens to what the lips plead. That way, perhaps, The world can withstand pain. Sometimes, all it takes is a mouth that does not carelessly reject And unwittingly use the most scathing words But rather speaks for...
Post a Comment
Read more